Where did my mojo go?

Question:

Dear Cher,
I know you’re not a shrink and don’t pretend to be, but I’m hoping you’ll have an idea why I feel so overwhelmed by my life right now. Yes, I was laid off from a great job, and money is tight, but I am not my normal, outgoing self. Right now, a good day is one in which I don’t have to go out or speak with anyone on the phone. Do you have any suggestions about how I can get my “mojo” back? Or am I really, at age 51, the boring, unaccomplished loser I see in the mirror?

Dana, Austin, Texas


Answer:

Dear Dana,
No, you’re not even close to being a loser! You’re still the same woman who was recently a winner in a great job. And you weren’t there by mistake. You were there because you earned it. Being laid off does not change who you are. But it can trigger a lot of uncertainty, especially if it is your first lay off.

For most people, at some point in our lives, enough significant things can happen in a short time period that it seems like more than we can ever process successfully. Some of the significant occurrences may be good things, others not so good, but when they add up and you feel overloaded, it’s time to pay attention and find someone to talk to. Pick a good friend, a close relative, a colleague who has also lost a valued job, a career coach, or a counselor. You may not feel like talking to anyone right now, but pick just one person, and start talking. If the first choice can’t give you the attention you need, move on to someone else. If you can manage it, join a job search support group. Just sharing how you’re feeling can sometimes make your load feel a little lighter.

By writing to me you have started the process of exploring this unfamiliar way of feeling and are on your way back to the Dana you’ve always been. That Dana is around the corner, but, yes, you will need to venture a little farther out of the living room to find her.

Meanwhile, make a pact with yourself to do some things you have enjoyed in the past, like movies, playing sports, hiking, reading a light book, singing, or taking a class that interests you. Give yourself a break from the worry. Be good to yourself and understand you deserve it. Let each thing you do for yourself be a well-deserved reward for looking forward.

If doing a couple of these things doesn’t result in your feeling better over time, find a therapist who can work through your feelings with you. You may be able to find someone who works with a community agency, or on a sliding fee scale. Do whatever you need to do to feel some relief and more like your old self.

Remember, you are in good company. I have read that therapists are busier than ever right now. Many, many people are experiencing new situations that are not familiar or comfortable. If you are, too, there’s good reason, and you are not alone! Good luck.



Best, Cher

Categories: Ask Cher (HR Executive), Work Life Balance, Things You Need to Know, Health